The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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