Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
