moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
