3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So here I am, sexting at work.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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