Did you just see the Batmobile???
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
