I wish I could punch you in the face.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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