Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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