dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
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I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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