i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
