He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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