i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
