Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
