Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
