At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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