I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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