no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
This house was built for laser tag.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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