dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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