So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
no, he came in my armpit
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
