after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
be right there i have to get my cape
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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