just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
