Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
