So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
