I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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