youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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