this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
