I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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