He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize