I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
