just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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