Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
