Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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