My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
