Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
