If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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