Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
