I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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