Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
