i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
