Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
PANTIES FOUND
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
