I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
