Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
