Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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