I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
