I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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