apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
