Who did Billy Mays play for?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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