I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
