Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
