Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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