she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
