And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
