Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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