So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
