Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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