I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
