There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
