my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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