I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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