I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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