So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
