super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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