my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
