I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
