It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
